Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Too dumb to draw breath

While standing in line at the grocery store with half a million other people who all appeared to be stuffing their carts with the booze selections necessary to guarantee the "soft focus" effect that is so crucial for every family Thanksgiving, I spied yet another headline about the Jessica Simpson/Nich Lachey marriage.

Personally, when I heard the story where Jessica thought "Chicken of the Sea" tuna was literally a breed of amphibious poultry, I figured she was most likely the product of cousins marrying and worthy of my pity. Sudsy videos of Ms. Simpson "sponging off" the General Lee with her breasts while clad in what appears to be just the remaining waistband and pockets of an otherwise ravaged pair of cut-offs gave me hope that she was--at last--doing the best she could with the few tools at her disposal. News of her marital problems with Nick Lachey were sad but not surprising as that is often the consequence when a boy band member marries a girl on the heels of her 10th grade gospel choir recital/4H Competition.

According to the cover of a celebrity magazine, Jessica and Nick have decided that the only way to save their doomed relationship is to....adopt a child. What genius! Just what this poor, unsuspecting baby needs are two dipwad parents who will use the unique stresses of child-rearing as a way to "fix" their sinkhole of a marriage.

Please! Someone lock these two in a Wal-Mart accompanied by parents with multiple toddlers who are feverish, teething or suffering from acute diaper rash. Then, perhaps, they'll get a taste of the hell that their nanny will be likely to endure. It's not like I care if they stay together or not. I don't. But there's a child here who deserves a set of parents who don't see adoption as a career move or marital therapy. And if they do split, that will be one less bit of intrigue we'll have to read about on the cover of every gossip rag.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving, Y'all!

9 Comments:

Blogger Plain Jane said...

Makes ya wanna just pimp slap a few people doesn't it?

Ugh. Poor kid to be.

6:23 PM  
Blogger Amanda B. said...

Happy Thanksgiving!

7:08 PM  
Anonymous surcie said...

Lord have mercy.

Happy Thanksgiving!

7:42 AM  
Blogger Kate said...

Happy Thanksgiving

10:28 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

Hey wordgirl, I hope you and your family have a Happy Thanksgiving. Eat as much as you desire, and don't hop on the scale until December 1st!

10:43 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

I feel bad for their prospective child too. If they really wanted to save their marriage, they could reduce their time in the limelight, so they can spend more time together. Their are successful celebrity marriages, but it sounds like they need more of a balance, more time for normal activities in their life together.

I don't know, they do not sound stable enough to spend a month in a foreign country to get to know a child.

10:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read on CNN today that they've actually broken up!

Hope you have a very Happy Thanksgiving. :)

Kestrel

12:34 PM  
Anonymous Bob said...

They are divorcing. This of course will disaggregate the triple digit IQ of their shared household. Well, much depends on who gets to keep the poodle. That one of the two will have the cerebral advantage of course. It's like cheating maybe.

6:57 AM  
Anonymous surcie said...

WG, I finally put up my magazine post.

12:37 PM  

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