Saturday, December 10, 2005

The 23rd Psalm: Christmas Version


The bag o' salad is my shepherd, I shall not want.
It alloweth me to graze in green pastures and the produce section at the local grocery.. It encourages me to drink 8 fluid ounces of de-stilled waters with every meal, which restoreth and hydrateth my soul...and body.

It leads me along the path of healthful eating, for its name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of ass-widening/gut-growing Christmas foods, I fear no evil: for Dole and Fresh Express are with me; thy Iceberg and Romaine, they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies--namely carbohydrates and sugar; thou anointest my field greens with balsamic vinegar & oil--or Ranch!-- and my bowl overflows.

Surely increased fiber and weight loss shall follow me all the days of my life: and I shall be able to shoehorn myself into a pair of size 8 Levi's forever. Amen

5 Comments:

Blogger snaps79 said...

I sent your Xmas card the same day I sent Spoon's, so it should be there soon!

12:28 PM  
Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

This is so true. I am about ready to toss the diet and salad out the door and dig in! I want the fudge, chocolate, cookies and whatever else people bring into the office, I just don't want the ass that goes with it. That's for the reminder on why I am dieting.

1:04 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

We got two boxes of Godiva chocolates at my office last week, and I put a sizeable dent in each.

So I'll be riding the sald train, too!

8:36 PM  
Blogger little sister said...

that's hilarious! between Mr. Wonderful and the holidays...I've put on 15 lbs. that refuckingfuse to go away! AUGH!

thanks for stopping by my blog....I'm glad I /eventually/ came back see yours!

11:41 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

No offense, but that Dole stuff is disgusting. It does not stay fresh long, if it is fresh to begin with.

To you all, I say go on my diet. I've lost 34 pounds since mid-July, and during this month of comfort foods and little exercise, I have not gained back a pound. I enjoy my chocolate and steak.

2:53 PM  

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