Tuesday, March 28, 2006

More random things about me

We keep strands of lights up in our little courtyard near the herb garden all year around. The porch light upstairs is just outside Mr. Half's office over the garage.


1. I didn't have my first real drink until I was 18 years old and in college (that was the legal drinking age back then). It was Budweiser in a can which we covered up with a sock and we were drinking them in the hallway of our dorm. Even though the RA knew what it was, she "technically" couldn't see what it was and could pretend it was a Coke. Some people say that they had to get used to the taste of beer, I liked it right away. Actually, I didn't do anything I wasn't supposed to while I was living at home. But once I left...

2. One of my favorite poems is "i carry your heart" by e.e. cummings

3. The first nightmare I ever had (I was four years old) involved seeing "The Wizard of Oz" for the first time. It involved the Wicked Witch chasing me through our old house and as I threw myself under a bed to escape her, she clawed me with her long green fingernails. A good one-third of my dreams involve being pursued with violent intent.

4 Another third of my dreams involve looking for something/someone I have lost or trying to reach a college professor about a class that I quit showing up for. It's a class that I have to get credit for in order to graduate. I've read that this dream signals feelings of an unfulfilled mission or desire in life. That there was something I was supposed to do that, subconsciously, I don't feel that I've really done. Yeah....big shocker, that.

5. The remaining third usually spell out fairly specific messages. Or they don't make any sense at all. The other night I had a dream that I was supposed to be showing someone in my yoga class how to go into "headstand" . Normally I don't have problem doing this, but in the dream I was not able to lift my legs off of the mat and then it turned out that I was being made to wear these big, yellow, shiny shoes that were really heavy. I have no idea what that means, but the next morning my shoulders and neck were really, really stiff.

6. Back when I was young, whenever anyone asked me what my favorite color was I would say "clear"...as in transparent. Yeah...I know it doesn't make sense. In truth, I was so afraid of declaring for one color and then being left out of the other groups of people who liked something else that I always said that I liked "clear" which sounds like no color at all, but I always pictured a prism (which holds the rainbow inside of it) when I said it. For the record, I like yellow/gold colors. Pumpkin. Red.
Autumn colors.

7. I have always felt that the unsatisfying social path my life followed all throughout public school could be traced back to the cosmic accident of having been placed in Mrs. Castleberry's 1st grade class...instead of Mrs. Dulen's class with all of the girls who eventually got picked for cheerleader every stinking year. But I'm better now. Honest.

8. I'm 5'8", but I wish I was 5'9". I've spent my entire life bemoaning the fact that, of the eleventy-million characteristics/quirks/abilities/traits I've inherited from my father's side of the family, the one thing I DIDN'T get was his olive skin. I tan and can get pretty dark in the summer, but in the winter I look like a piece of chalk with eyes. I like my upper lip and my teeth are good, but I hate my hands.

9. The first concert I ever went to was the Electric Light Orchestra. Elvyn Bishop opened for them. I still can't hear the song, "Fooled Around And Fell in Love" without thinking about that summer. I was 16.

10. At the end of my freshman year of college I was waiting for my parents to come get me and my clothes, etc. so that I could go home for the summer. (I didn't have a car or I would have driven home...or maybe this story would have ended differently). I had a couple of hours to go and the guy I was sort of "seeing" came by and we hung out for a while. He was going with two friends to a Ranger game and asked me not to leave that night--but rather--go with them to the game and he'd take me home the next day. I had the phone in my hand and seriously thought about telling my mother not to show up, but I didn't have the guts to get my parents to change plans. I had to come home and get a summer job and I knew this change of plans--plans that involved not coming home for dinner as opposed to doing something with someone who wasn't "family--would not sit well. So...we said goodbye and made plans to see each other the next week.
The next morning the phone rang and it was this guy's sister telling me that he had been killed in a car wreck on the way back from the baseball game. He and the other two guys were drunk and he had been thrown from the car (not wearing a seatbelt) and he died at the hospital. The other two clowns he was with survived. I was crazy with a grief that I don't believe I've felt that many times in my life, and I really felt awful for months. I felt that I should have gone with him to the game and that maybe I could have kept him from dying. I could have made him wear a seatbelt. In retrospect, there's a good chance I would have wound up dead or hurt anyway. He would have been one thing (one really big thing) that could have kept me from transferring to A&M, which I ended up doing that summer. Had I stayed in Denton, my life would be a lot different...but I wouldn't have all of this. One thing. Just one thing. Life turns on a dime every single day. It does that for everyone. Sometimes...if you pay attention...you can see it when it happens.


20 Comments:

Anonymous jess said...

I have so many dreams about looking for something that i have lost or not being able to find someone, usually my children, in a dire situation (house fire).

I love this post so much. I can relate to every single word.

9:16 PM  
Blogger CISSY said...

I really enjoy your posts.

I like the strands of lights. I have some in the dressing area of my bedroom just because I like them. As soon as the cover over the pation is finished, I'm stringing a few out in the back yard. Like fireflies.

There are those moments in life when you wonder 'what if.' No regrets.

11:35 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I was afraid of the wicked witch for weeks after I watched the Wizard of Oz, and would kill to be 5'8... as it is I'll have to live with 5'4.

When I was 16 my boyfriend and I went to visit a friend. When we got there his sister (who I was friends with too) was leaving the house at the same time with her boyfriend. They invited us to the party they were going to, but we declined. Just after they left (in the car) my boyfriend asked me if I thought her boyfriend was drunk. I said I didn't think so (hadn't they just let in a car?! Who drives drunk!?) and we left it at that. Early the next morning I got a call that they (along with 5 other people in the car) were in an accident; the girl's boyfriend (driver) died, she was in serious condition, as were the other people. I still have regrets for not stopping them.

4:09 AM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

I had to laugh a little about you putting your Bud in a sock. That kind of shouts "I'm hiding alcohol in this sock", but it's quite a clever thing to do in order to avoid being busted.

I like the strand of lights. Dave and I used to have purple lights running along the doorframe from our living room to the sunroom in our old apartment. I love little twinkly lights like that.

Your nightmare about the Wizard of Oz is the reason why I've never watched that movie in its entirety.

I can imagine that the loss you felt after the guy you were seeing was killed was huge, and that you felt such a range of emotions because you could have been so much more involved in that situation. It's wild to think that a quick split-second decision could have altered so many lives; this last "thing" about you gave me chills.

5:14 AM  
Anonymous V-Grrrl said...

I have two recurring dreams. One involves the "enrolled in a class I didn't know about" scenario and the other has to do with being in a runaway car (i.e no brakes or no steering or something preventing me from controlling it.) I definitely have issues with fulfilling my mission and steering my life!

5:34 AM  
Blogger Arabella said...

I have a lot of dreams about classes that I stopped showing up for, too. I had no idea this was a common dream. These dreams always make me very nervous. In real life, I hardly ever used to miss class.

10 is so, so true. I'm glad you didn't go and get hurt in that accident.

6:49 AM  
Blogger Tink said...

I LOVE your lists.

I can't believe you remember a dream you had when you were 4. I can't even remember what I wore two days ago! This line: "I look like a piece of chalk with eyes." Made me LOL at my desk. I think we might be related. I also loved "my favorite color is clear." That would have totally won me over as a kid.

7:51 AM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

That's freaky about the guy dying. You couldn't have stopped it though.

You still didn't declare a favorite color. You declared like three. I think you need to work on that still.

Stop bragging about how tall you are and want to be taller. I'm 5'3"!!

8:14 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

That last one gave me chills. And you're so right, you can see it happen sometimes.

9:18 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

That's an extraordinary list. I have the school dream often, but unlike Arabella, I skipped a ton of classes, so the dream is more like a memory...

When I get down about a What If, I think of the fact that my family and I are healthy and happy and all of the narrow misses from my life that I don't even know about. A would-be rapist changing his mind, a drunk driver taking a wrong turn before passing me on the street, sperm #336, carrying birth defects, swimming a little too slowly...

9:27 AM  
Anonymous LetterB said...

Lovely post wordgirl. Thanks for the poem reference - it's beautiful.

11:10 AM  
Blogger Katherine said...

What a cool post! One of my first nightmares was about the monkeys from the Wizard of Oz - scary little buggers. I also have that dream a lot of having one more class to take but didn't know it or somehow I failed to show up for most of the semester, and big surprise, I've always felt like this can't be it...has to be something more out there. Very interesting. And wow about your friend that died. Everything happens for a reason - you may not know why you're still here, but there is a reason for it.

3:57 PM  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

Wow, that's an amazing story. It really made me think.

As for early nightmares, my first one that I remember involved two Ronald McDonalds taking me outside, rolling me into a ball and playing catch with me. I was terrified. I've never liked Ronald since that "incident."

9:07 AM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Was that e.e.cummings poem the one she read at the end of the movie "In Her Shoes"?

3:39 PM  
Blogger Nilbo said...

I adore your way of thinking ... and the writing that comes from it ...

7:16 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

3. I had trouble with vampires, but nothing really scary.

6:02 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

1. I'm German. My 1st taste of beer came early.

4. My working drams are usually me getting lost or wasting time through various plots.

5. True about messages.

6. Blue.

8. 6' 2"

9. Yes

The best were the old Patty Smith, Johnny Winters and Bruce Sprinsteen.


10. "but I wouldn't have all of this."

Well, it's about time you said that.

6:09 AM  
Anonymous Daxohol said...

Such a cool post! I love reading stories like these!!

7:04 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

Awesome post, ELO is a sweet first concert. But did they translate into a good concert? I could see how they might disappoint a bit.

I had a recurring nightmare of what I thought was something that actually happened, although in retrospect I'm not sure that it did. It kept me falling asleep every night with my head under my pillow for months and months.

7:35 PM  
Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

I'm with Mignon...I'm always thinking of the near misses you never even know about. Whenever I pass an accident, especially one that just happened where the police aren't even there yet, I think, "What if I hadn't misplaced my keys and taken an extra four minutes to look for them? Would that have been me?"

2:00 PM  

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