Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Here at Half of the Sky House of Mercy we are nothing if not compassionate. Doubtless, we don't mind whipping our own brothers with sand-filled gym socks, leaving toenail clippings next his toothbrush, refusing to ferry a roll of toilet paper to him when he is "stranded" and then laughing at him from behind the door or retaliating by filling the offending sibling's airspace with foul emanations from our own dairy-infested hindquarters.

However, if you are a young bird or a reptile of any kind within a five block radius of "Sky House" and you find yourself molested, mauled or mutilated by the unkind attentions of any of our feline residents, please know that we will not shrink from any and all tasks required to return you to your former quality of life.

We will try to make your extrication from said "Maw of Death" as quick and easy as possible. Pains will be taken to bathe your wounds in hydrogen peroxide before dabbing you gently with Polysporin ointment. For those suffering from injuries of the "gaping"variety, we offer our own version of skin/scale grafting using wet toilet paper or tissue. Top it off with a stretchy band-aid and a few kind and softly-spoken words of encouragement as you attempt to return from your traumatized state and your tiny pupils regain their normal appearance.

Please remember to start breathing as our assistants become mightily grieved if it looks as though their ministrations have not produced the desired effect. Further insistence on your part to hold your body rigid with claws splayed and the decided lack of a pulse will only initiate plans to finish the euthanasia process that nature has started before tossing you in a hole in the ground and filling it in. And nobody wants that.


Blogger Heather said...

I hopd said litle reptile does well - it looks like if love could cure it it'd be scurrying away already

6:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love this! I started on your one about North Texas (I went there too). Funny stuff. And then I read about fixing up the injured wildlife--yup--it has been that way at my house too. Hope you're working on a novel or something longer.

7:15 PM  
Anonymous Daxohol said...

AWWWW! Poor little guy! I hope he pulls through!

8:24 PM  
Blogger R. Robyn said...

Your reptile is wearing a bandaid.

How thoughtful!

11:30 PM  
Blogger Rude Cactus said...

Always taking time to help the helpless. That's noble. I hope he (she?) pulls through!

5:32 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

That is so cute. I had no idea that you could bandage reptiles!

I hope my future kids are as kind to animals as yours are.

8:32 AM  
Blogger Tink said...

Bless all animal lovers. I once tried to resuscitate a bunny. It didn't work. But it grossed out all the people around me. :)

8:55 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

Ha! Looking at that band-aid is cracking me up.

9:02 AM  
Blogger Katherine said...

lol, oh that is classic!

9:03 AM  
Anonymous V-Grrrl said...


Anyone who pours hydrogen peroxide into a wound is, um, not exactly merciful....though hey, I admire your good intentions. : )

Try cleaning wounds with baby shampoo and warm water. : ) Foams a lot. Doesn't sting. Let the Neosporin (painlessly) kill the germs instead of that peroxide.

10:20 AM  
Blogger Shrinking Violet said...

Funny funny funny!

10:53 AM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

I don't think hydrogen peroxide burns. At least...not on humans. Alcohol does...

11:32 AM  
Blogger Annie, The Evil Queen said...

You best bet for washing woulds may just be saline solution. Poor little lizard. Don't they try to gnaw off the band aids?

1:46 PM  
Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

Ah, the birds I have rescued over the years...No lizards, though. The cold would do them in before the cats up here.

4:56 AM  
Blogger Nilbo said...

Call me heartless. It's a lizard. What's the best way to cleanse its wounds painlessly? TOILET WATER.


6:09 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

By the time our cat brings us any of the stuff he catches, it's much too late for us to save it with a band aid.
Good luck to your little lizard - did he pull through?

6:40 AM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

LOL, a reptile wearing a band-aid! I needed that smile this morning. ;)

6:45 AM  
Anonymous jess said...

very sweet kids you have!

9:31 AM  

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