Sunday, April 23, 2006

Skin Deep

"The past rests at the top of the heart, the future at the back of the mind, and the present at the tip of the fist." --Zen Proverb ((Discuss amongst yourselves)

Debbie suggested that we head over to and see which celebrity we most resemble. don't get to pick out the celebrity of your choice. That would be cheating. You have to submit a picture of yourself. Close-up and full frontal (just the face, you pervs). Then is spits out a bunch of candidates based on an analysis of your bone structure, etc. I sent this one.
Please exucse the 32 oz of water I seemed to be storing in my face that day.

There were two similar pics I submitted, but the results were mostly the same. Most of the celebrities I seem to resemble are men. Some I've never even heard of and many of them are European. Among the biggies I do recognize are Candace Bergen (and I hope I do look that good when I get older), Claudia Schiffer (What? Because we both have German ancestry?) and Bebe Neuwirth (I'm a terrible dancer and I don't look so good in fishnet hose). The men? Michael Palin (of Monty Python), Gene Wilder, Harry Houdini, Oscar Wilde, Ben Stiller and Harold Ramis. (Okay....I get nose isn't exactly a small one) The real insult here? Their "experts" say I also look like French actor Gerard Depardieu. Just great...that's the best news I've had all day. You'll excuse me while I find something sharp to plunge into my eyes.

I'd like to make a general complaint to the TLC channel regarding the lack of fresh episodes of "Trading Spaces" as well as the re-runs thereof. I need to see Frank painting a wall and Laurie sewing new slipcovers and even Hildi's self-involved ideas about what makes a good room. I love the paint reveal where the lids of the paint cans are opened and all the colors like magenta and turquoise and pumpkin and sage get brushed onto the old wall with a new brush. I love Carpentry World and the lumber that gets fashioned into new tables and shelves. It's instant gratification. It's control over your immediate world in one hour. It's the promise of a new start. And I can't get enough. I couldn't care less about the Chop-Shop/ Pimp My Ride shows. I don't care if Clinton and Stacy convert one hundred old hippies into Hilfiger-wearing Prep Heads on "What Not To Wear". And I've never tuned into the Clean Sweep people who come in and tell a person or a family that they've accumulated WAY TOO MUCH CRAP in their garage and some stuff is gonna have to go. Don't care. Nope. Not a bit. Just give me a naked room, some paint, fabric, wood, a designer and a carpenter...and I'll go quietly.

What show is your guilty pleasure?


Anonymous HolyMama! said...

first time here. you do NOT look like gerard depardieu, and you do look a bit like a young c. bergen. and hello? thin face. what 32 oz of water are you talking about? (from someone whose face is always too pouf-y, unless the rest of me is downright emaciated and that never happens, so there)
those people need to take gerard out of the possible list of suggestions, because that's. so. wrong. can't you just see the people at that site, saying, 'ha ha! we'll tell the gorgeous blond lady she looks like ... like... HA! i know! Gerard Depardieu! Yeah, that'll be fun!"
dude. that's totally what happened you kow.

11:06 PM  
Anonymous Irene said...

ok, I'm never, ever ever going to take that test.

and YOU DO NOT LOOK LIKE Gerard Depardieu AT ALL!!!!!!

12:21 AM  
Anonymous Kristen said...

Gerard is kinda hot. Really.

The Girls Next Door is my guilty pleasure. May that information never go public. I'll admit I'm fascinated that Hef's girls are so vapid.

It's OK. Tom Cruise came up for me when I did it. Can you think of anything more humiliating? At least Gerard isn't wacked.

3:56 AM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

My male match was Elton John. I'd take Gerard in a second.

I watch waaaaay too much television to just pick one 'gulity pleasure' show, but I'll tell ya, I really, really love Cops.

5:02 AM  
Blogger Nilbo said...

Lovely - my "celebrities" are less well known than ME, for God's sake. Greg Bear. Edsger Dijkstra. Leos Janicek. Gerry Adams. Who, who, who, and who? Oh. And Nick Nolte. Well, wonderful. I get to start my week knowing I look like a dessicated, wild-eyed opium junkie. Sigh.

I used to like Trading Spaces, but I kinda turned away from it when I would start every episode with "Oh, right, this is the one where ..." After a while, if it's not a surprise, what's the point?

And since I'm a pretty handy guy, I look at a lot of the stuff they do ("And look, a few quick shots with the staple gun and voila!") and think "Yeah, that will look great until approximately four minutes after the cameras go away. The moment a window gets left open and a real breeze comes into that room, the whole shooting match will fall down around their ears."

But I do love the colours. And I have learned a lot from the shows, even if I've never put it into use. It's like a cooking show. I'm never going to make anything they prepare on the show - but it's nice to know that I COULD.

6:13 AM  
Blogger Nilbo said...

Oh, and for the record? I think you look far more like Helen Hunt than Gerard D.

And when you say "Just give me a naked room ...", I'm totally with you. I think every house should have one.

6:16 AM  
Blogger ceece said...

I am with holymama! I see no depardieu-ness there at all.

my guilty pleasure shows surely rot my brain. I can't go to sleep on Friday's without watching The Soup on E!, and Best Week Ever in VH1.

Also? I love watching shows like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, that will make me cry. I'm a glutton for punishment.

7:40 AM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

That's funny! I do see the Candice Bergan resemblance - not so much the Gerard!

I love Clinton and Stacy!!!! And, I love "How Do I look?" Yes, definately a guilty pleasure.

Last night my whole family watched the Food Network show about these incredible ginger bread house mansions made by professional chefs. Who, us boring??

7:57 AM  
Blogger Rude Cactus said...

First, great picture of you. Nothing like Gerard. At all.

I gave up on Trading Spaces when Paige left. My guilty pleasure has to be either bad home shopping or Blow Out on Bravo. That's some good TV.

8:44 AM  
Blogger Nap Queen said...

That is histerical! You DO resemble Candace Bergen, and that's awesome! She's beautiful. I got Beyonce which is just hilarious because the only thing we have in common is a large posterior, and that wasn't in the photo I submitted :)

I LOVE What Not to Wear and Clean Sweep. There's nothing better than looking at someone else's horribly messy home to make me feel neat and clean! I also love Intervention, but that's much more serious.

8:47 AM  
Blogger Sandra said...

I can see the Helen Hunt resemblance, and I'd qualify the Candace Bergen one and say that you resemble a YOUNGER Candace!

10:54 AM  
Anonymous V-Grrrl said...

When I was in the UK, I watched some decorating shows on the hotel TV. The amazing thing was my husband and kids enjoyed it as much as I did.

If I had cable in the states, I know they'd be my guilty pleasure as well. Love decorating.

11:16 AM  
Anonymous HolyMama! said...

ohmigosh. i posted that comment at, like 1 in the morning, and just realized i called you a 'kow.' i'm so sorry. that was stupid. it was supposed to say "you know," not "you kow." Oh, I'm such the dork!

12:25 PM  
Anonymous Arwen said...

Pfft. No Gerard a-tall.

And I'm so NOT taking that test.

Guilty pleasure? Is it bad that my guilty pleasure is that "Semi-Homemade' show on the Food Channel? Not because I love the show, but because I like throwing things at Sandra Lee ... it makes me feel SO much better. The SO, on the other hand, simply walks through the room, says, "This show would be a thousand percent better and get much higher ratings if she'd cook naked," and moves along. Heh.

2:19 PM  
Anonymous Daxohol said...

Dude, you look about as much like a peacock does a pug dog.

My addiction to Clean Sweep and Trading Spaces was at it's worst when I was pregnant and nesting. I actually felt relief from watching other people do all that!

I have to admit that I watch the occasional Nanny 911 or Intervention. I also got a kick out Wife Swap once in a while until it got to be more of a "fix my f*cked up family" vibe instead of a fun change.

2:50 PM  
Blogger Katherine said...

so see the resemblance to Candice! very cool. Yea, I really miss Hildy pasting straw to walls, hee hee. I like What Not to Wear and Divine Design.

6:03 PM  
Blogger The Queen Mama said...

My favorite guilty pleasure show is "Supernanny." Because it makes me feel better if I've had a rough day with the kids.

And I couldn't help myself. I went to the myheritage page, too. The results were hilarious. I may post about them sometime soon.

7:56 PM  
Blogger Lucky Lum said...

Project Runway.
And it's over now dammit.

I loves the Trading Spaces too. I just think it may have been too many years of overkill with the show and now they're scaling back.

You are gorgeous lady!!!!

8:45 AM  
Blogger Tink said...

Your face is puffy? You must look like a slim jim the rest of the time. And you all have officially convinced me NOT to take that stupid test. You are far more beautiful then any of the people they said you resemble.

10:43 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

I can definitely see a resemblance to a young Candace Bergen.

My guilty pleasure is Friends re-runs. I have seen every episode several times and I can still watch them again and again.

11:19 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

Is that a recent photo? If so, I dare to say that you have lost weight!

The shape of the face I think is more like Helen Hunt, not the eyes though.

You are much too young for CAndice Bergen.

11:52 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

Which show?

The whole gory SciFi channel.

11:53 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

Well, um...about you and Gerard, uh you do share a similiar attribute. Oh well, have to go.

12:10 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

Definitely more like Helen Hunt. I can't see CAndice at all. Just took a second look.

Besides, she's too fat.

12:34 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

First, I don't know if you like any of those people. I do know that is a gorgeous picture of you. The lighting is wonderful and you look HOTT.

I really like the Antique Roadshow, and it's probably not a guilty pleasure because it's on PBS, but that's the only show I watch in private because otherwise I can't hear a damn thing their saying.

And third, I'm going to be thinking about that Buddhist quote all day. Our past is all heart-ish emotions: love, sadness, desire, etc. The future we could all give a shit about, and the present is all knee-jerk reactions. Is that right? That's what I'm getting.

12:41 PM  
Blogger Arabella said...

Totally Younger Candace. Not at all Gerard, although I, too, find him cute.

1:01 PM  
Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

I agree with Candace..I can see that but Gerard? Not so much.

Guilty pleasure..the Surreal makes my train wreck of a life look calm and orderly.

3:40 PM  
Blogger Ben Dolan said...

Guilty pleasure?

Jeff Corwin.

Ok, so I don't feel so guilty, but I am fascinated by how much that man knows about three toed sloths.

10:54 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I hate that website. I wanted Angelina Jolie, instead I got Napoleon. BUT, I had great fun plugging in the face of my mother-in-law!

I love Trading Spaces too, but I really like Designed to Sell.

(and. Ok. I'll admit it - Yo Momma)

12:45 PM  

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