June 21st, 1986...The Summer Solstice

"Marriage isn't a vessel
it's salt pouring freely
from a clear shaker.
It's rows of blue birds
on a cedar fence.
Suddenly, they lift..."
-- Joan Logghe (From "Twenty Years in Bed with the Same Man")

Dear Bryan,

I never had any reason to maintain the faith that marriage was a good thing. Square pegs forced to live in round holes. One person's dreams leaving no room for the desires of the other. One identity folded into another so tightly that the first becomes invisible. Two people living by traditional expectations and roles having nothing to do with talent or ability or passion. Pummeling the joy out of every moment...reducing everything down to a late bill payment, a burnt meal, a failed enterprise, or hurt feelings. In spite of all of this, I kept my expectations high. Not for love, which came and went. I confess to sampling freely and often from that table.

But when it came to attempting FOREVER, I waited for the man who could show love as well as speak the language. You were the first in that respect. Anyone can affect a proper observance for love's High Holy Days...the birthday, Mother's Day, the anniversary. In the end, none of that means anything nor contributes significantly to the reality of living the rest of your life with one other human being. Rare is the man who can live the reality in its best light every single day and yet here you are. I waited for you. I've never regretted it. Thank you for the best 20 years of my life.

Love,
Stacy