Monday, June 12, 2006

The Sexiest Men. Fo Reals Y'all!

Okay...I know I almost started an insurrection by criticizing celebrities on this site a few weeks ago and though I reserve the right to continue on that path of unrepentant snark, I'm taking a different tack tonight. I'm using the above photos to illustrate a point. Look at the pictures and figure out the common denominator or simply continue reading.

My aim is simple: I'm going to provide men with a simple-but-crucial piece of the puzzle that has dogged them since time began. The question being, "What do women want from us?"

Intelligence? Yes, it's a must. Humor? Make us laugh and you're halfway home, my friend. Loyalty? Sure, that helps. We even like a stunningly handsome exterior, but it's not always required. Yeah...we're funny that way.

But what IS it about men that makes even the steeliest female reserve melt like a crayon on a hot Texas sidewalk? I hope you've got your pencils and paper ready because I'm about to make an important point. Here it is: It's a man who loves his children. Or any children for that matter.

No, I'm not kidding. A man who doesn't merely speak of his love for his kids but who SHOWS that love in a public place...honestly and often? A man who tenderly holds a baby close without acting as though it's a bomb getting ready to explode? A man who crouches low to hear the nonsensical words of a toddler or who doesn't mind drawing pictures with his daughter at the kitchen table or giving his son a bottle in the middle of the night? Let me tell you a little secret about women. We know the difference between a guy who tolerates infants and their body functions and one who willingly enjoys sniffing the top of a baby's head. Knowing a man who never, EVER refers to an afternoon with his children as babysitting?? A guy who doesn't see a pregnant woman as fat but as a flushed and warm cocoon for the child they made together. makes us sweat.

The sight of you nibbling on your son's ear causes a little something in our pelvic region to give way and we are helpless to overcome the urge to have our way with you right there in the aisle at Target. You don't believe me? Go to an arts festival in your town (I did this, so I can attest to its truth) and have your husband strap on a Snugli front pack with a baby (hopefully yours) in it. Send him to get beer and then count the women who are inexplicably drawn to him like metal shavings to a magnet. Told ya.

A man like that? He makes every egg in our ovaries rise up and salute before exploding in a glittery shower of tiny valentine hearts, rainbows and sweet baby chicks. You think I'm kidding? I'm totally not.

I'm very lucky because Mr. Half is a baby-loving nutcase who can't pass a kid on the street without waving or speaking to him/her. He was a counselor at the same pediatric cancer camp where I teach art now and I've seen him completely lose it emotionally when one of those kids experiences even the smallest life victory....and even when they lose the battle altogether. Say it with me now..."a tender-hearted man is a STRONG man".

I say this because I wanted to give a big shout out to the bloggers I know who don't have to be prompted to show us how much they dig their families. Chris at Rude Cactus never fails to verbally groove on his baby daughter Mia and his posts frequently and openly demonstrate his love for her as well as his wife Beth. Chag at Cynical Dad is a stay-at-home father to Zed and Zoey. It would not be adviseable to tell him that caring for children is "women's work". Not unless you want him and every mother who reads this to hunt you down like a dog in the road. And then there's Nilbo. Yeah...his daughters are college graduates and one's getting married, but his pride in his kids is still so obvious. Add this to their writing abilities and you've got THE REAL MEASURE OF A MAN.

So...yeah...I took a potshot at the Pitt-Jolie hook-up and I still completely suspect that Angelina will kick him to the curb eventually. And despite the fact that the dismally traditional Parade Magazine is already saying that Pitt has lost his appeal (as a "real man", dontcha know!) to the masses because he's following the mother of his child to Namibia ("like a puppy" is how they put it), the sight of this man gazing at his tiny daughter with an expression of awe and wonder is almost too much to take. The minute this People Magazine spread hit the stands, women all over the world began ovulating in unison. Can they give the Sexiest Man Alive award to the same person twice??? I'm just asking, because you can't argue with biology and all my eggs are voting the same way. Can I get a witness?


Blogger Sarcomical said...

i have to agree that a man in love with his kids is sweet.

...a HOT man in love with his kids?

drop-dead heart-thumpingly wow.

...i'm just saying. ;)

*i don't know, i just can't shake feeling pissy at brad. but i guess it's easier for me since i've never found him as appealing as the masses do.

10:31 PM  
Blogger IzzyMom said...

I concur! I've long felt that a good, involved father makes a really HOTTTT guy. Seriously, any man who can put aside being all stupid and macho to be loving and tender to a child is unbelievably appealing.

10:48 PM  
Blogger toyfoto said...

What a great post. I have to admit, though, I sometimes want my baby-loving husband to back off. Especially, when the involvement goes to far into the "mommy, you are not doing it right," category. Which, I've noticed can happen with uber involvement.

But that's prolly just me.

Of course, that one picture of Paul McCartney with his little squirt in his jacket, reminded me of the time we went x-country skiing with our three month old. He tucked her in his jacket inside her snuggli. Ooooo.

4:11 AM  
Blogger Beth Fish said...

A man who loves kids, definitely hot. A man who loves your kid, that's hitting it out of the park.

6:21 AM  
Blogger mothergoosemouse said...


Even though I wasn't sure that I wanted children, right up until when I first peed on the stick, it ALWAYS blew me away that my husband loved kids and looked forward to having them. And reality has not disappointed me; on the contrary, he is more loving and more involved than I ever imagined he would be.

And Wordgirl, I loved what you said about strapping the baby into a carrier and getting a beer at an arts festival (and the ensuing reaction). Kyle did exactly that last summer, and you are right on.

7:13 AM  
Blogger TB said...

And just in time for Father's day, a lovely shout out to real dads who aren't just in it for the photo ops, who change the diapers and do the feedings and don't have a batallion of nannies.

8:16 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

You just totally described my husband, including the hot part.

He was the one who taught ME how to bathe our then-newborn son. His family had lots of children around, so he already knew the basics, unlike myself.

And whenever he takes Mr. Personality anywhere by himself (which is often, he even takes him to Disneyland) he has to beat the ladies off with a stick.

But ladies, he's mine, so back off! ;)

8:21 AM  
Blogger Rude Cactus said...

Thanks for the mention. I'm glad that my love for my family shows :-)

8:21 AM  
Blogger Tink said...

Oh AMEN to that!!

I bought People last night just for that picture. I'm pathetic, I know. *Sigh*

8:44 AM  
Blogger Mignon said... wait - are you calling me a metal shaving?

10:16 AM  
Blogger Lindsay said...

ohhhh, I agree! It melts my heart to see a man so in love with his children! I was terrified when my hubs and I found out we were having a boy that he wouldnt be so keen on kissing and loving him b.c he was a boy not a girl.. man, was I wrong... He loves that kid wooohooo, makes my heart skip a beat! gives a new meaning to DILF!

11:34 AM  
Blogger Binky said...

I don't know what's up with my chemical makeup, but sometimes I am so un-feminine that I amaze myself. I know that the phenomenon you are talking about is such an innate thing and that women love to see a man adoringly providing for his babies, but it really does nothing for me sexually. I mean, I certainly love watching my husband bond with the baby, but those aren't the moments that get me hot and bothered. I'd go so far as to say that if he was too over-the-top smitten with the baby, I think it might actually end up turning me off. It's that masculine stoicism and reserve that I find sexiest of all.

1:12 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

OH. MY. GOD. I have been telling my husband this for years, and he still fails to believe me. When he is playing hoops with the boys..without me telling him to do so!..and I watch them out the window, I want to grab him and have my way with him RIGHT THERE AND THEN! And the picture of Brad...well, he is just melting, looking at his baby girl, and then the look on angelina's face, looking at him.....I remember looking at my own husband that way, when we brought a newborn home. He would get all....."gooey" and just smile, looking at our little guy, and it made me happy to see that what I gave him MADE him that happy. Make sense? Dads are SO hot!

1:29 PM  
Blogger Arabella said...

Men who love children melt my mozzarella. So, SO hot.

2:24 PM  
Blogger Neil said...

Taking notes...

2:25 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Agreed! There is nothing cuter than a dedicated dadwho enjoys time with their kids.

2:37 PM  
Blogger Shelley said...

Every straight, single guy with a niece or nephew knows that hanging out with kids is even more of a chick-magnet than walking a dog! I think I might have just ovulated whilst reading this post. Excuse me while I go freshen up ....

2:44 PM  
Blogger daysgoby said...

I thought I loved my husband when we got married but as a Dad? He blows my socks off.

4:35 PM  
Blogger Never That Easy said...

He makes every egg in our ovaries rise up and salute before exploding in a glittery shower of tiny valentine hearts, rainbows and sweet baby chicks.

Absolutely, Postively Concur!

There is nothing "meltier" than a guy who loves kids. :sigh:

5:33 PM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

You are SOOOOOOO right. Throw in the ability to cook something other than a hot dog and taking initiative in cleaning, and you've got a perfect guy.

5:41 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

YES YES YES YES. Men who love the chilluns - HOT.

And so awesome that you did a shout-out. The post that I am taking a break from writing RIGHT NOW puts out a call for dad-blogger odes, as a follow-up to the Mama Blogger Love-In.

Ahead of the curve, girl! Can I consider yours the first daddy-ode?

6:00 PM  
Blogger Nilbo said...

For the record, I'm withdrawing from the Sexiest Man Live competition this year and throwing my support to Brad Pitt. I just want to see the youngsters get their fair share of chances.

I just wished I'd know this before. I'd have stuffed my jockstrap with ... ummm .... Pampers.

Seriously, it was very kind of you to mention me in this context. Loving and being proud of my girls has always been its own reward. So ... bonus.

7:49 PM  
Blogger cameo said...

here! here!

9:19 PM  
Blogger aka Brandi said...

SO very well articulated.

4:51 PM  
Blogger Nap Queen said...

We're not sure if we want kids, but I have caught my husband loving on our dogs and singing his made up songs to them (guitar in hand and everything). My heart melts because I know he will do that for our kids, should we choose to have them.

6:36 PM  
Blogger H-Bob said...

First, why is when I look this up it has to do with Angelina and Brad? Ya know, I got the goose bumps and hard nippliez when you said the whole love a guy who loves his kids thing....and anyone who looks at that pic and can't see the absolute adoration in Angie's eyes for Brad is blinder than Ray Charles or Lady Justice, pick one...I totally agree, there is absolutely nothing sexier and more virile than a man that is STRONG enough to be a Daddy....Happy First Father's Day Brad...

9:13 PM  
Blogger Marcie said...

Love the pictures of John and Paul.
Dads are sexy (fo reals, like you said:)

5:36 AM  
Blogger MommaK said...

Congrats on your perfect post award!! Sorry for the late notice...:)


8:49 PM  

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