Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Update from "My Plea" , February 2006

When we last left Uncle Sam (Archives: February. "My Plea") he was supine in the ground cover of our neighbor's yard with his red polyester pants partially hidden in the dirt and bark. A gentle breeze ruffled his left shirt cuff. Doodlebugs were living in his hat which had been all but flattened by the elements and the chunks of hay which had eroded from the bale upon which he had been proudly sitting two years prior. I knew it was only weeks before actors from the show "Law & Order: Lawn Decoration Unit" would pull up in front of our neighbor's house and gently zip Sam and his composting innards into a body bag. We waited.

And then...a miracle!

Mr. Half called yesterday from his truck to report that Uncle Sam was not, in fact, a flatliner. NOT DEAD!! HE LIVED!! Somehow, some way he had summoned the strength of ....well...whatever it is that inspires tired, stuffed lawn ornaments and had dragged himself into plain view in the yard where he lay spread-eagle with one arm either beckoning politely or gesturing in a suggestive manner. It was hard to tell..

I drove by tonight and his filthy shirt was visible by moonlight and his exhausted form lay sprawled halfway on a mouldering hay bale. The remains of a wooden pole were still rudely shoved up....ahem...I mean the wooden stake which had assisted his formerly jaunty pose atop the hay bale was still affixed to a spot below his foil-covered belt. What had raised Uncle Sam in the 11th hour? Was it the knowledge that Flag Day was near?? Was it the siren song of the upcoming Fourth of July which summoned him from his premature visit to Valhalla??

Or was it the five gallon drum of anti-freeze nearby that had caused his shameful and unforseen forward roll into the hedge in the first place? Oh the shame! The dishonor! Uncle Sam was not a victim of neglect at all. Dare I say it?? Uncle a substance abuser. Oh the humanity!

Now I feel really guilty. All this time I thought he was a goner and all he really was...was passed out.
Everyone go over to wish Tammie at Soul Gardening a Happy Birthday today!!
Tammie...I hope you get everything you're wishing for.


Blogger Tink said...

Ok girl, that narrative? Just a little disturbing. ;)

10:03 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

The description and that picture at the top - could they go together any better?? I think we all secretly suspected Uncle S was using, didn't we? The tendencies towards violence and stealing from people and such...

10:42 AM  
Blogger The Queen Mama said...

Don't worry, I'm sure no one blames you for, little problem.

A fun read.

10:43 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Maybe the stick was a way of working up to being a true drug mule?

11:54 AM  
Blogger Rock said...

No comment.

11:54 PM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Why don't you make a midnight run and save the poor guy? You know an intervention?

5:12 AM  

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